Being heard
When your life, your relationship, your conversations keep going round in circles.
Explained in detail
You say a sentence — and it lands differently from how you meant it. We first look at what you actually wanted to say, and then at what your body reports about it.
Being heard does not begin with the other person listening, but with the question of what you actually meant. Most women who come to me know their point of conflict by heart — but not the wish underneath it. We work in this order: first the sentence you wanted to say, then the effect it had on the other person, and only last the wording in which both fit together.
In the session we also separate the present from history. Part of what hits you so hard in an argument does not belong to your partner, but to an old experience in which nobody listened. Once that share is named, the current conflict becomes smaller — and negotiable.
- You say less and less, because it changes nothing anyway.
- Conversations end in justification instead of closeness.
- You feel alone although someone is sitting next to you.
- You are heard but not understood — and cannot say why.
- 1You talk. I listen without judging.
- 2We separate: what belongs to this moment, what is old experience?
- 3You leave with a sentence that is yours.
Three things you can do today
You need no appointment and nobody’s permission. If one of the three exercises moves something, you know the conversation is worth it.
The sentence before the sentence
2 minutes, before the next conversation
Write down what you want before you say it: "I would like …". One sentence, no accusation. Whoever knows the wish does not defend themselves.
The twenty-second rule
during the conversation
Let the other person speak twenty seconds longer than feels right. Those seconds usually hold the part that really matters.
Give back instead of answering
once a day
Once a day, repeat in your own words what you heard before you answer: "What arrives with me is that …". That defuses more than any argument.
„Not everyone who falls silent has nothing to say. Some have only stopped believing it arrives.“